Week in Review

Geo-Genetic Green Juice, Anti-Cancer Anti-Inflammatory Anti-Blackpill 1 Cucumber 3 Green Apples 1 Stock of Celery Thumb of Ginger Handful of Parsley Pinch of Cilantro Half of a Lemon Dash of Cayenne Pepper, the Geo Genetic Green Juice cleanses me of the sins of the past, even though I sinned again last week, the Geo Genetic Green Juice clears my skin makes me glow from the inside out and makes my nails grow strong. I’m doing a Liver Detox every morning blending a concoction that makes my sweat smell like garlic on the StairMaster at Planet Fitness. I am the only one in the gym that is sweating. Why is no one else sweating? What is going on? I’ve been taking a 90 minute, 9 thousand step walk down the River Path every day to the bridge with abandoned shopping carts underneath it. I am my Landlord’s therapist and best friend. We spend hours talking about the intricacies of human relationships and maybe none of them will ever work out in the future and maybe none of them have historically ever worked out in the past for all of time-millennia but all we can do is Love and Love and Love until something feels right and our gut doesn’t reject it. That’s why I am resetting my gut health. So I can recognize true Love when it comes. I sinned last week after 2 glasses of orange wine 3 top shelf mezcal cocktails 1 margarita and half of a bottle of sake, I betrayed myself for nothing but the lesson wrapped up in the Crash Out is that at least I can feel the consequences the next day, weighing on me heavy, out of alignment with the person I have grown into. The person I am growing into is more pious and principled and disciplined and healthy from the inside out but I am not Me unless I have a good healthy Crash Out every once in a while. Kerouac wasn’t pious. Bukowski wasn’t pious. Nin wasn’t pious. The Greats Crashed Out and made it beautiful. Every Crash Out in my life was promised to me three thousand years ago. I am grateful and praying every morning but I keep forgetting to pray over my food. It isn’t a habit yet. I can’t decide if I want to completely withdraw from my life as I know it or try to force myself to go deeper into it. Do I open my heart to Love and clear the Avoidance away and THROW MYSELF INTO LIFE AND INTO PEOPLE or do I take a vow of silence and join a convent? Do I move to a remote Yurt in the mountain after my money runs dry? I’m never getting a job again, that’s not even an option. My 5-year plan is that GOD WILL PROVIDE. All is Abundant within and outside of me. If I look deep enough inside I can find God there. I am a mystic, I am a fraud, I am a Real One, I am a woman with a rich life who is also addicted to the internet. When I die I hope my friends bury me in shallow dirt out in a remote high desert canyon and give me a sky burial with the desert vultures, like those monks in Tibet. I seek Truth no matter what vessel it’s coming out of, and because of this I will never find a place within the Tribe. I have burned fake internet relationship bridges that have liberated me from the Bronze Age. I am transitioning from the Bronze Age to the Iron Age now and I have forged indestructible weapons from my heart and my mind and my soft feminine disposition wields the sword of my masculine edge. If knowing too much about Hitler makes me un-marriagable because it means another man taught me those things then so be it. I’ll join the convent with the nuns who have unlocked God. It’s funny how we see only what we want to see until we don’t care about seeing it anymore and then we see what’s actually there. I see what’s really there now, and I realize that I am wiser than that which I thought was wiser than I. You’ll have to traverse across rugged terrain blindfolded to find me midnight snug behind a rock curled in a ball but even if you try to shake me awake I might not turn around and look at you for I will be deep in a dream body against rock but Spirit far away. I have finished Phase 1, Phase 2 is imminent and I’ll be a Real Artist Soon Mom. It’s amazing how beautiful life can be. I love you.