No Trespassing
3.24.24
My heart is protected by a 20 foot tall steel fortress welded together by an impenetrable force field. No one can pass through the metal bars. I don’t want anyone to pass through the metal bars. NO TRESPASSING: PRIVATE PROPERTY. I have not opened the gate to the fortress in years. Every person who looks into the direction of the fortress, curious about what lies beyond its walls, is barred out. Turned away at the gate. I don’t care how far they have walked to arrive at the fortress. I don’t let them in. I don’t want them in. The inside of the walls of my steel fortress are lined with flesh, tissue, amniotic fluid. The inside of the steel fortress is my womb. The risk of letting someone in could result in a spilling-out of what is inside. I must not compromise the warm and sterile womb inside of the steel fortress. Once the gates have opened and all that is contained within bursts through the gate of the steel fortress, suffering contaminates the environment.
On the perimeter of the 20 foot tall steel fortress, there is the shape of a body carved out that only One particular person can pass through – the Object of Desire. One opening, chiseled out into the unique shape of You. Every curve and crevice has been etched into the steel. Every protrusion accounted for. You will never embark on the journey to the steel fortress. The map to the cutout in the steel fortress is buried under thousands of words. You have to dig through every word to find the map. You don’t have time for that. You haven't an inkling of a clue that there is a special cutout in the steel fortress that traces the outline of your flesh. I will never tell You that it’s there. The cutout in the steel fortress will remain welded shut and untouched. I have strapped a self-detonating bomb to the outside perimeter of the fortress. The bomb will detonate in 2 years, 37 days, 8 minutes, and 29 seconds. If the gate to the steel fortress cannot be opened by You slipping through the cutout, all that is contained within will be obliterated into ten billion particles dissolving into space and time and the ghost of the fortress will haunt the surrounding area. The radioactivity in the air will poison all who visit the detonation site. Only then will You come to gaze out into the empty space void on the horizon and imagine what once stood here. 2 years, 37 days, 8 minutes, and 9 seconds now.
This hit. I’ve never seen someone describe that kind of guardedness so exactly.
Mine’s not steel, but something quieter. Built slow, after a few wrong people got too close. I stopped handing out maps too.
That part about the cutout the one shaped like “You” felt too true. I’ve known what it’d take to let someone in. But I’ve also known what it’d cost.
You put words to something I’ve only ever felt as silence. And that alone makes this matter.